Less of a Man

Well, as I mentioned in my last update, I may get a little less regular with the updates and comments…  hopefully no one was too worried when I didn’t post one last week. 

I have to admit, I really didn’t put much thought to eating well most of the last two weeks, ‘cept to say that I actively decided not to care.  Well, I’m not sure it was a decision… more of a realization, I guess, but whatever you want to call it there it was.  And it wasn’t the moment to moment “Oh, I really want this…” followed by the “Oh, wow, I feel guilty for eating that,” but I didn’t feel guilty at all.  Still don’t.  I don’t feel guilty when I go out and enjoy myself on vacation… and I don’t feel guilty for setting aside one worry of mine when I’m dealing with personal things such as I was.  I fully recognize that I probably need to figure out other ways to deal with those things, but as it was I didn’t have other tools available to me then and, well, yeah.  I ate a lot of things I wouldn’t have dreamed of.

One thing that did change, though…  I had been drinking more as we approached October 1st, but with seeing the doctor and trying out some new meds I have severely cut back on my drinking.  Mind you, I don’t think I was drinking THAT much, but my home brewed cider is about the same caloric intake as three regular beers so, yeah, it was adding up.  What blew my mind yesterday when I made it back to the meeting, though, was that I officially held even from two weeks before.  All those donuts, all that chocolate, absolutely no tracking and I held even.  Actually, I probably lost a small amount; two weeks ago, I went as “light” as I could, with no belt, no wallet, no cell phone, and only the house key and car key with me.  This week I had all of the above and was still holding even… so I at least lost the weight of those things. Considering how I was eating, and considering I’ve not been to the gym in about three weeks, I’m still a little surprised… but between having built up more muscle mass in the gym in the previous two months and cutting off the calories from the cider, I guess it was enough to hold even.

Oh, well, there was more too.  The first week on the new meds I took a half dose, per my doctor’s instructions.  Friday night I went to a full dose… and Sunday the side effects kicked in, waves of dizziness, nausea, and an odd feeling of my skin kind of crawling a little in my legs and arms.  I know that sometimes you have to adjust to the levels, so I continued taking the full dose for a week, but the side effects weren’t really getting any better… perhaps a little worse, in fact, so last night I went back down to a half dose and will call the doc tomorrow to see if I should just continue the half dose or go to something else.  Other than the side effects, my moods have improved somewhat… then again, we’re past the anniversary so perhaps that’s something right there.  I dunno.  But I suppose my eating was curtailed somewhat when I would have a wave of nausea, so that may be part of it all too I guess.

All in all, though, I’m kind of encouraged by the fact I held even in spite of my eating since my last weigh in.  I hadn’t realized just how heavy those ciders were, or what they were adding up to, I suppose…  if I cut out more of the comfort food (which I actually already have) and keep the rest the same I may go back to losing without a ton of extra effort.  We’ll see.  I did learn yesterday, though, that apparently Weight Watchers will be making some changes to their program coming up in November… I don’t know just WHAT they are, yet, but I’m interested to see what they are and perhaps they’ll help me to feel I’m starting fresh again.  Who knows?

At this point, there’ll be more updates…  I’m not quitting anything yet.  Just don’t hold your breath for them.